Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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