for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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