"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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