I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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