Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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