remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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