we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
