What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I just cut my nipple shaving
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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