great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal