You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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