ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.