we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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