dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels