it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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