Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
