What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
