if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
In other news, I just burned my penis
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
