I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
