I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
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