Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
