Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
