Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I stole a fireplace last night.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
