nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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