I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
