idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
