I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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