my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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