She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Randomize
