Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
