Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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