She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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