Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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