Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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