I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
