When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize