In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
