i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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