Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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