i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
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i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
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i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
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