yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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