Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
My life is pants optional.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
