i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
