oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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