I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
