Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
