You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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