she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
