i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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