i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
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this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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