Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
