'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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