The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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