i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
MIDGETS
????
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
