In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
and she was petting her beer can
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
