I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
