He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
