I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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