Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I am one with the molecules
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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