He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
