I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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