I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
should my penis look like a turkey
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
