his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
