She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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