You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
