I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
whose ass print is on the piano?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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