i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Randomize
