At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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