I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
