I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
