Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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