So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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