Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
