he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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