It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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