the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
operation have a gay friend backfired
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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