okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
