His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
