What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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