please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drinking out of a sandbucket again
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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