why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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