In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
