Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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