I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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