Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
