Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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