Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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