so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
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This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Watching her eat just hurts me
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The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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